Just to let you know, I’ve never put more effort into an article than this one. I hope it makes your life a little bit better…please comment.

In my cozy office, with my candle-shaped fountain trickling and citrus-incense blazing, very little effort on my part is required to stay busy and focused. Unfortunately, since I decided not to have internet access at home in order to save money, I can’t always stay in my cave. It’s when I’m hunched over my laptop while enduring a herd of screaming, cackling, gossiping tweens trading body odor, or witnessing a burly homeless man dry-heave himself sober for an hour, that things get much more complicated. (People aren’t going to pretend they are at a library just because you are trying to think of an idea for your stupid cartoon.)

At one time, it would have been impossible for me to work in situations like this. I would have simply got up and left. This ceased when it dawned upon me that though I couldn’t control the environment, I could control my mind. I knew that if I could trammel my proclivity to be distracted and my fear of being interrupted, which is most pronounced when I am trying to work somewhere I can’t control, the condition of my workplace would be inconsequential.

I thought for a while about how I should go about controlling my mind. It finally remembered that sometimes while reading, I’d zone out after about 1000 words. During this period I’d focus on something else without even realizing I was doing so. I knew there had to be a way to control this and make it beneficial. I refer to the use of the brain’s ability to tune things out as entering The Fifth Dimension. (The way this phenomenon functions makes it seem outside the physical and temporal realms.)

The Fifth Dimension, or the 5th, is what allows your mind to wander, for a time, away from the rest of the world. This is something we’ve all experienced. Despite limited permission and only vague awareness on your part, you just zone out. When left ungoverned, you’re really just daydreaming. This is widely considered a bad thing, but it is a blessing in disguise. Once you learn to control this ability, there will be no more wandering because you will be able to truly zone in.

Habituation

The first step to controlling the 5th is habituation. It’s hard to work in environments which are not conducive to productivity not only because they are distracting, but also because you’re not accustomed to them. By combining numerous different elements in a portable routine, this lack of familiarity can be overcome. It’s only fitting that the quickest way to establish this routine is through the five senses.

Your sense of smell gets things started. Choose any scent. Cologne, fabric softener sheets, and essential oils work nicely. This will be your 5th dimension scent. Carry around something that has your 5th dimension scent at all times. Eventually, simply smelling your 5th dimension scent will tell your brain that it is time to get down to business. Don’t worry if somebody gives you a crazy look because they think you‘re a wacko sniffing somebody‘s dryer lint – you’re the one that’s being productive. (That is, unless you really are sniffing somebody’s dryer lint.)

Next, you need to choose an article of clothing or jewelry. Once you fill your nose with your smell of choice, put on your durag or “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” bracelet. This will be your tactile stimulus.

Third, put something on your ears that completely blocks out sound. (If you insist, something that plays a soft, relatively neutral, classical/meditative track will work.)

Finally, have a standard snack, gum, or mint that you pop in your mouth right before you get down to business.

For you sports fans, Nomar Garciaparra has a complex, specific routine he goes through before every single at-bat, and he’s one of the most prolific hitters in recent memory. Check out his grand slam at Dodger stadium. (This was his first year at Dodger stadium – he was unaccustomed to it, it was loud and distracting, and, he still clocked it.)

Example 5th Dimension Arsenal:

Noise-Cancelling Headphones – If you can’t afford a pair, earplugs will do for now.

Sunglasses – Wearing sunglasses is optional, but I prefer it. When people can’t see my eyes they seem less inclined to talk to me.

Unremarkable clothes – Solid color T-shirts, plain blue jeans, tennis shoes, and hooded sweatshirts – worse, if you can stand it. You are trying to get in the zone. The last thing you need is to draw attention to yourself.

Water Bottle – You don’t want to be going to the bathroom all the time, but you also don’t want to give yourself an excuse to constantly go to the fountain.

Sign Language Book (optional) – If you learn how to say, “I’m sorry, I am very busy,” in sign language, you take care of everybody: the people who think you are deaf, and the people who actually know sign language. (At the very least, you need some method of “pleading the 5th” that will let others immediately know what is going on without interrupting you.)

Tolerance

It will take about a month for your brain to understand what you are trying to accomplish. In the meantime, you can expedite this process by gradually improving your distraction tolerance.

Start by going to distracting places with noise-canceling headphones when you know they won’t be busy. Then, gradually increase the difficulty all the way up to sitting inside a play place during after-church hours while listening to something that makes you want to kill kittens. Be patient. The discipline you will acquire will astound you.

The hardest part about being more tolerant when it comes to the 5th dimension is that you have to be tolerant of not only that which you dislike, but also that which you like. You should expose yourself to distracting forms of each. Over time, as your tolerance increases, the grip which your environment has over you will diminish significantly, if not entirely.

You will have the ability to ignore things which you would normally allow yourself to enjoy and the ability to prevent things which you cannot stand from perturbing you. In a sense, it is self-induced productivity hypnosis. (If a term which implies sleep deters you, consider it meditation.)

Conclusion

• Don’t get discouraged. It will honestly take 3-4 weeks before you start noticing substantial results.
• Don’t skip the routine. Once you establish it, stick with it.

If you are a driven person, don’t settle. You never know when you’ll have to do homework in the dark with a defective, hand-cranked flashlight. Stretch yourself and see just how tough you can be! Do math problems when you are sleepy. Type with just your off-hand! The easier it is for you to do work when things aren’t going your way, the more productive you will be when things are.

Keep an eye open for the next time somebody talks to you for a minute and you suddenly realize you had no idea they were addressing you – that’s what it’s all about!