Proving Yourself to Your Parents
For a moment, imagine yourself wearing a diaper and crawling around the kitchen floor while trying to pick up a bug with your pinkie. This is how your parents see you.
Unfortunately, altering this mindset is not easy. Parents tend to operate on a point system. What this means is that for every responsible thing you do, you get 1 point, but for every bad thing you do, you lose five points.
Your goal is to conduct yourself in such a fashion that over time you accrue enough points that your parents see you as you actually are – a young man or woman.
Simple things such as taking out the trash, washing dishes, and keeping the family pets watered and fed are great starts; however, to truly establish yourself as an independent, capable individual, you must take a step back and attempt to empathize with your parents.
As monumental as it may seem to you, completing daily chores is not something your parents are likely to laud as an achievement. Keep in mind that these people have been doing chores longer than you’ve been alive. In order to really open their eyes, you have to make a commitment to yourself. This commitment requires that you begin accepting responsibility for your behavior, your finances, and your future. You have to learn to be mature.
I recommend that you don’t blatantly announce that you have made this commitment. Since you’ve been able to talk, your parents have heard you make numerous claims and grandiose assertions before. By slowly incorporating new habits and behaviors into your life, you won’t be under any pressure to “practice what you preach.”
Before doing anything else, independently institute your own method of letting your parents know where you are at all times. So many good kids maintain such an impeccable record that they eventually believe they are exempt from touching base with their parents. You may think that they know you are staying after school, but for all they know you could have been in a car accident. Text messages are great for this since they allow spur of the moment changes of plans, but, if you do not use a cell phone, a dry-erase board on the refrigerator should display all of your after school plans and upcoming obligations.
Got it? Great. Here’s how you can get started:
- Go to bed earlier and wake up on time.
- Beat your parents to the punch by completing things before they even think to ask you to do them.
- Consistently ask your parents to study with you and keep them updated on your progress. Even if you do poorly on an assignment or test, your parents will appreciate your candor; this is especially true if your parents helped you prepare because they can clearly see that you’re trying your best.
- Find some means, however small, to create your own income. Even if you only make enough money to put gas in your car each week, your parents will notice your effort and reward you accordingly.
- Open your own bank account. Your parents can still deposit money into your account if they have your account number and you can get a checking account free.
As you can tell, the primary way of proving yourself to your parents is by achieving consistency and maintaining a personal level of accountability. The erratic behavior of most teens gives parents every right to maintain a short leash on them. By eradicating the inconsistencies from your life, you will obliterate these predispositions.
Here are a few more advanced ways to eviscerate you umbilical cord:
- Keep a daily planner. It does not have to be anything expensive; a cheap spiral notebook is more than enough.
- Pay for your own car insurance.
- Pay for your cell phone.
- Buy your parents gifts on mother’s day, father’s day, birthdays, and any other holiday which you celebrate. Adults buy each other gifts whether they want to or not. If you do not have any money, give your parents what they want most – your time.
- Fill out all of your own forms. Whether it is for the FAFSA, SAT, ACT, whatever, take care of it yourself.
- Enjoy alcohol and tobacco in moderation or not at all, depending on your parents’ tastes. If you’re underage, don’t use either.
For some of you, this will be more difficult than others. But I assure you that if you hold up your side of the bargain by fulfilling all or most of the above, your parents will hold up theirs.
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This is a completely irrational generalization of parents. I would be completely appalled if my parents even hinted at operating a points system! And the tips you offer are just blatant brown nosing!
We arent all made out of one mould you know?
I hope you realize that my usage of the point system terminology is nothing more than a demonstration. Of course not all parents are like this. This article is geared toward those with parents who actually are.
I know you probably don’t want to hear this Ben, but even if your parents don’t treat you this way, the rest of the world will, including your teachers, employers and friends. What this article is suggesting are not only ways to “win points” with your parents, but habits that will help you be a successful adult.
I know you dont want to hear this Michelle but your rash generalisations are wrong. I am, in fact, an employer and base not a single judgement of of my employees on a point system. I also consider myself a friend and in NO WAY use a point system with which to judge my friends.
Greasing has not been a habit that has made me a successful adult!
I’m glad you understood my true intentions, Michelle.
Ben, the usage of the point system analogy is designed to make the inner-workings of the human decision-making process as tangible as possible.
You can’t tell me that if one of your employees royally screws up your subconscious mind doesn’t lower this individual’s “ranking”.
Ben,
How did your parents create just an oustanding, independent young man? I raised Patrick and I can tell you, he is an independent young man that understands the meaning of hard work and respect. He is in no way undermining anyone by talking about parents evaluating their children. His symbolism of the point system is merely a way to explain how we, as parents, see things. All parents have a way to gauge their expectations of their children. Some have better gauges than others because the expectations are different. No, all children are not the same and we can’t put them in a mold…..but guess what, this world is going to be the same for all of them. Competition for jobs, especially in today’s world. If you don’t learn how to play the game of life, and yes it is a game, you will lose. Independence is the only way you will win. By winning I mean being able to support yourself and your family. All parents understand this expectation and try to help develop this within their child.
If you are a business man, then you must understand that you have a criteria for each employee you hire. If not, you would hire anyone that applies. Criteria, point systems, whatever you use for whatever you do…there are expectations i all walks of life and I believe that is what Patrick is trying to convey. I can assure you that he walks the talk and he has rose to my expectations and I am very proud of him. I can guarantee you that he is NOT a brown noser. He has always stood for what he believes in and does what he needs to, even though at times it was against my wishes. You judge, everyone judges…it is human nature and if anyone falls below your line of integrity, it has to lower your regards toward that person.
Sorry for the typos!
Wait I should mimick my parents tastes.
I want to “prove” myself but I don’t want ot sacrifice what makes me me. I enjoy alcohol in moderation and here you are telling me that if my parents didn’t I should give it up (they do but thats beside the point). There’s a fine line between “proving yourself to your parents” and “being a kiss up”.
There’s actually a rather bold line.
The explanation by Robin was very well put!