Quit Watching Porn! GO TO CLASS.

Drop the Doritos, yokel. I saw you hit your panic button. What would you do without your trusty windows key?

GO TO CLASS. Quit making excuses. Log out your character, give Linda Lovelace a break, and do what you are supposed to do. We’re all born ignorant, but you’ve had plenty of time to chip away at your deficit. PROVE you have done so!

When class time rolls around, there will be no excuse. You get your ass out of bed, get out the door, and give your professor your time and attention.

Finally, don’t even think about turning class into a hotel without a bed. You are in the classroom to pay attention and to learn. Would you ninja-kick your professor in the head? Of course not. Showing up to class unprepared and unwilling to learn is worse.

Find somebody to hold you accountable and give them one free kick-my-lazy ass-ticket. This ticket is redeemable at any time you start being a loser and is valid at all locations.

Playtime is over. Grow up!

Get some sleep, get a pair, and get your act together. Once and for all.